Bouquet of Moonstones
by ButlerBassandSalvatore
Summary: Blair carries a bouquet on her wedding day but the white peonies in it may as well be as beautiful and as lifeless as moonstones. Louis is perfect, Chuck is back and there is something she's hiding from everyone.
1. Chapter 1

_Someday when I smile it will be you I'll smile at._

_And you'll smile back at me and mean it._

**_Bouquet of Moonstones_**

Blair was beautiful but she was hurt far beyond that beauty and Louis couldn't see beyond the paper doll existence. Louis thought she looked beyond beloved, except- except sometimes he saw something sort of, maybe cracked in those glass perfect, unreadable eyes and that was when he wondered whether he was willing to know those scars after all.

Blair is beautiful but there's a thin, slim, invisible bone white jarring that runs delicately across on vaguely imperfect apple cheek and that is when Louis wonders if he really wants to know what is this past of hers that she loves so truly that she defends even when its wrongs face her in the mirror.

He hurt you.

He didn't mean it.

He still hurt you.

He still didn't mean it.

I want you to stay away from him.

One sudden flash of fire in usually tranquil doe eyes.

That's not your decision to make.

I thought you agreed to marry me.

I didn't agree to be _owned_ by you.

So that should mean that I have some say in your life decisions.

Not this one.

Why not this one?

Because it's my life to make.

He heard the words she didn't say but were spelled all too clearly in those furious chestnut eyes of hers.

_Because it's Chuck. _

It was a random question he asked on a day she wasn't so touchy.

What do you like best about Chuck?

She thought about it for a moment and then looked befuddled- not because there was nothing for her to say but because perhaps there was too much.

He doesn't know how to give up, she says finally and Louis can understand her respect of that quality because Blair doesn't know how to give up either.

Except somehow he had expected her to say:

_He knows exactly when to give up. _

…

_Take care of her._

I will.

_Don't ever hurt her._

Or else?

Chuck had merely smiled very, very darkly and walked away leaving Louis more thoughtful than he would have been, had he gotten a straight answer.

I love you Blair.

_She'll love me forever._

But she belongs to me.

_Not in her whole._

But she's mine.

_She's only belonged to that one. Otherwise Blair Waldorf doesn't belong to anyone._

Blair_ Grimaldi. _

A slow smile spread across Chuck's face.

_Right._

Why are you smiling?

_It's just- I know her. She'll never let you change the name._

I… you don't know that-

She didn't.

Louis could be accusing sometimes.

You love him.

She felt very_ Twilight_ as she said it.

I love you more.

But was that true? She would never love anyone as much as she loved Chuck but she was, really was happy with Louis.

All that glitters is not gold.

But the tiara on her head was solid diamonds and it shone as fiercely as a bouquet of moonstones.

You're mine, Blair.

Stop it, Chuck.

She misses him. When she's curled up in the palace and the fire is blazing to warm her and Louis is reading her the newspaper as though she can't do it herself, she misses him.

_It wouldn't be my world without you in it._

She gives him several invitations to the wedding because he never accepts even one.

Come, Chuck. She snarls on the phone.

He laughs. Oh, Waldorf.

She ignores the layer of meaning in that voice and says, You have to come. If you won't come I'll be really, really angry.

He's laughing softly but as though he can't stop. You know full well ordinarily I would have no problem with coming. But I'm- a little busy.

Liar. At least try to sound genuine, Chuck.

I can't seem to pick you out the perfect wedding present.

You never have a problem picking me out presents.

Yes, but this time the trinket I have in mind doesn't seem right.

No?

No.

Well, tell me what it is. Maybe I can help.

It's a diamond.

Lovely. You know a girl loves diamonds.

It's just one.

Okay. Is it a pendant?

Not quite.

A bracelet?

Not exactly.

She takes a deep breath.

What make is it?

Parisian.

Chuck.

Blair.

I will not- you can't gift me the ring.

The thing is Waldorf, he answers softly, I really don't want to take it with me to the grave.

He kisses her softly when he meets her in Paris but it's on the cheek, exactly where he scarred her when he didn't mean to, the thing you can't even see anymore because it's the same pale as her skin now and she has forgiven him for it because- because-

Because for some you forgive sometimes the things you wouldn't forgive for any one else.

And because he hadn't mean it.

He whispers in her ear at the reception.

_I will always love you._

It's a cop out and unoriginal but she replies without even thinking.

I will always love _you._

It doesn't even matter if she's got the ring deep inside a jewelry box only she can open in a drawer which has only one key and that the key is in a place Louis doesn't know of. These things don't matter because she loves Chuck, she loves him, loves him, loves him but Louis makes her happy, happy, happy.

When they dance briefly at her wedding, so briefly, even if she can still feel the touch of his hand burning at the back of her princess dress- it feels _very_ Twilight to her because she wants to cry so badly and because she knows he's one scotch away from making a scene or at the very least challenging the Prince to a duel.

So she takes one last twirl and when she's back in his arms she only says very softly to him before he lets her go and the Prince comes to claim her.

Be happy.

He just gives her a yeah-right look and then smiles a little disjointedly at Louis as he comes, sash and crown and all, to gently steer her away.

But she hears the thing that was only for her ears.

_You first._

She is still thinking of how her logic is so perfect- of how Louis is so perfect because while she really, really loves Chuck, Louis is the one who's sane and who's smart and who's stable and hence he makes her-

Her-

For one instant she can't remember her brilliant reasoning or why she married the handsome stranger holding her so delicately and then she see's Chuck's face across the room as he makes a half hearted attempt to flirt with some blonde heiress and.

She thinks he could _try_ to look happier.

That was it!

Blair rests her face on Louis's shoulder and all the while hopes no one can she the farce of her glass-perfect eyes that hide too many webs of lies.

_The word was happy._


	2. Chapter 2

**I know I'm not the best writer but I would love some critique, positive or not because that's the only way I can improve. So please, tell me what you think of this. **

**Part two.**

_**When Petals Fall, They Crumble.**_

She chooses soft pink for her bridesmaids. Dorota, Penelope, Serena and the minions look quite nicely regal in the silken smoothness that flows and bunches prettily.

Serena looks gorgeous but appears to have made an effort to look understated because her usual luxurious hair is swept into an elegantly untidy plait and the cut of the dress isn't particularly revealing, just formal. She smiles and chatters and appears perfectly at ease except she isn't, not one bit and Blair can tell this because Serena has a habit of biting her lip softly when she's tense and fidgeting with a part of her outfit.

Blair gentles the anxious fingers on the dull golden stole and smiles warmly. "I should be a second away from a major Blair Waldorf meltdown but I'm not. So maybe you can calm down?"

Serena smiles back so convincingly you could almost believe her but you know her well enough to see the layer of worry in grey-blue eyes.

"Calm down? I'm calm. You couldn't possibly squeeze in another meltdown today; you could never bear to ruin your bridal make up. Besides didn't we work out all those kinks last week? I think you peaked when you pushed Penelope's face in the wrong flavor of cake."

"You're rambling," Blair was still smiling. "And I picked up that last move from the best. It's oddly satisfying."

"Wasn't it?" Serena smiles genuinely for one second before revealing a deeply nervous face. "I'm tense, Blair because you really don't seem to be."

"I'm not." Blair stands gracefully with bared, milky pale shoulders contrasting barely with her magnificent ivory wedding dress with the vein thin, delicate diamond sprinkled embroidery coating it stunningly at the hem. "I'm awaiting my crown in an utterly relaxed state because that's how royalty would behave."

"Never letting the world know how you really feel, appearing strong no matter what," Serena smiles sadly. "You were always royal Blair. Anyone who knew half an inch of you could vouch for that."

"Why do you have that expression on your face?"

"That- what?"

"That- atrocious- _mourning_ expression. You're standing in the royal bride's room of your best friend Serena, not her sickbed."

"I am happy, Blair." Serena let the fake smile slip on her face again. "See?"

Blair glared at her. "Penelope can fake an innocent eyed stare better than you. But you're not allowed to say it Serena."

"Say what?"

"What your face is saying."

So Serena doesn't say what she really, really wants to- that Blair is the one who is acting so perfectly, her best, as good as she did in the play when she lost the Yale of her dreams and the whole school watched her take stage. But that's just it- Blair is _acting. _

How can she compare how Blair's whole face relaxes when she sees Louis to the heated flush of her pale skin when she sees Chuck? How she can compare calm contentment to a storm?

But Blair had been weathering that storm for so long because she _is_ lightening- she is her own evil in the midst of destruction but Louis seems to be the one cloud strong enough to bear her- if- if Blair behaves.

Chuck didn't have to bear Blair, if she was lightening, he was thunder and he could rally with her and revel in the darkness.

Except Blair deserved to see the face of sunlight.

The Prince or The one that gave her away?

It was a hard call to make.

….

When she's saying her vows something catches her eye_- _someone- and apparently he was trying to hide. His hair is perfectly styled, his bow tie immaculately in place, his smile utterly tranquil but his whisky brown eyes are on fire- if alcohol is lit, it flames fiercer Blair knows- than anything.

She stands before her storybook Prince and the storybook Prince looks _so_ handsome but there is that thing that is bothering her in the corner of her eye. And before she says I do for some reason she is looking at Chuck and Chuck is smirking adorably and leaning down to kiss her and _when he kisses her she feels-_

She opens her eyes and sees the wrong shade of brown.

It's Louis who is cupping her cheek; it's his hand that's holding her face- not the rough finger tips she fabricated in her head- and when he's kissing her she feels the happiness churn into evaporated fog in the pit of the stomach.

_When did I get stuck in this mess? Why can't I seem to stop?_

But she knows why even as she leaves and Chuck watches with the air of someone forcing themselves to stand still on a burning rake- she is doing this because he sent her here, he held her and kissed her on her forehead as though he was not a boy anymore but a man- someone responsible for her- giving her away and he told her to do this and if anything- Blair always follows Chuck's advice just as Chuck always follows hers. It's a bad habit she picked up on from high school- if there's anyone's opinion they can trust its each others.

So she'll dive into ice if Chuck says it's alright and if Chuck says that ice will keep her warm.

_I would have done anything for you. All you had to do was ask._

He was the one after all who said _you don't belong with Nate. Never have, never will_ and when she had asked, seventeen and a child- _you don't belong with anyone_ he had smirked and kissed her- and he had been right in whatever he had been trying to tell her with that kiss. Blair had always hated the truths Chuck had hurled at her so she hated it when he told her the truth this time; that the love story she shared with Louis was the right one- the polite one.

_I'm not an idiot- there is another reason._

She could have lived without the story book ending.

_Yes, there is. There is another reason why she's doing this, it's not just because Chuck convinced her. _

Blair walks past him, arm in arm with the one he had chosen for her- didn't anyone realize how every crevice and faucet of her life had been touched and run by Chuck?- she walks past him and she feels his eyes burning a hole in her back but she still kept walking, smiling, blushing prettily, every bit Cinderella gliding to her carriage.

_Because the Beast had died and Belle has to move forward. _

She walks.

And she thinks back to the thing she stuffed as deeply she could into a bin at last minute before flying off to Monaco with Louis. She thinks of what she hasn't told Serena, what she hasn't told anyone except the Prince who was so perfectly happy when she did.

Because no matter what the ground reality Blair can't ever see Chuck giving her that sort of a reaction.

Blair can never see Chuck understanding.

_I know you better than I know myself._

She can never see his smile surviving after hearing it.

She can never see him there, in that picture, period.

_You say that but I know you._

_You're Chuck Bass._

_Louis_ had taken her in his arms and whirled her around in a butterfly dance to a perfectly Disney ballad.

Chuck would have probably yelped like a puppy and run in the other direction.

She waves back to the people as she drives off in Louis's Aston Martin and its very KateMiddletonandPrinceWilliam but the problem are the whisky brown eyes that keep staring and he isn't smiling anymore.

Blair I'm so happy. Wait till I tell my mother-

Sweetheart. How about we don't tell anyone yet?

But why?

Because. Because lets be sure first.

_Let's be sure this is real and not just some nightmare I'll wake up from after enough pinches._

Whatever you want then. Blair- thank you. This is the best news you could have given me.

She smiles sweetly. Don't thank me yet Louis.

She stares at the stick in her hand in the bathroom on the way to the airport.

She stares at it every chance she gets because she has to be wrong, this has to be wrong.

She can't bring herself to command anything. She's numb, a fake, an actress, a frozen being flowing through a life she can't fix.

She can't tell Chuck. She can't tell Serena.

She can only stare and think of the whisky brown eyes that had looked way too shiny, suspiciously, frighteningly shiny as she looked at him for the last time before she left him and altered her life forever.

She stares and all she knows in that instant is that when it came to happiness at least- she had its definition confused with denial.


	3. Chapter 3

**Review please, because it means the world and I love to hear from all of you who Story Alert and/or Favorite this because how else am I going to know what you think?**

**Part 3**

_**Shards in Sight**_

He catches her just before she leaves.

It's not a hard feat. He has wearied from saying it for so long so maybe he needs a new tagline but he _is _Chuck Bass and a crisp Euro bill in the hands of one of those attendants, a whispered argument, a swapping of furious threats and finally a sincere pleading with Serena is enough to let him sneak in to her see her one last time before she is lost.

And Blair looks just the same.

He hasn't seen her with brown pigtails and slender green ribbons tied across her head as headbands for a long time- not since she was four and used to bawl unbelievably when she scrapped her knee- but somehow when he finds her standing elegantly in the marble terrace staring over an empty courtyard he doesn't see- refuses to see the Princess Bride before him. He sees the girl he knew as a child, the girl he could rely on to stay just the same. Predictable, pinchable, pure and so brave. She was his best friend. She was the girl he would take to respectable dances because Nathaniel had never minded and she had loved dressing him up. She was his whole world, his childhood and his innocence- if he had ever had any. His fairy tale ending if a Beast could have ever asked for a Beauty.

He was never one for children's fables or Barbie doll weddings but he had hated the ending of the first Shrek movie even if S and Blair had sighed through it. He couldn't stand the Princess become lesser than she was- to fit with the monster no matter how clumsily, cutely the ogre messed up and still saved the day. No, a Princess was a Princess and she deserved to be treated as such.

Hadn't he proved it to himself that he wasn't worth Blair when he'd harmed that perfect beauty- scarred her with his own hands?

Monsters were untamed. They messed up. They didn't mean it but they still messed up.

She needed a delicate handed Prince. And Belle's- Blair's -I love you had only deluded him into believing that if he acted the part- polite, mature, princely- he could become Adam. But he didn't transform. He was still Chuck and as special as Blair's revelation was- it had been his own weakness that he had been unable to transform. He couldn't change for her.

He wasn't for her.

Her neck is bare and just a loose curl is resting like an invitation on the nape.

He inches closer and closer and wants to kiss her, kiss his kryptonite.

But these stolen kisses are true theft now.

"It will be adultery in a few hours time."

"I think it already is."

"We have a few hours."

"We don't have anything left."

"Don't say that."

"Then what do I say?_ Just because we can't be friends doesn't means we aren't?"_

"Why are you so angry?"

"Why are you here?"

Chuck looks slightly affronted.

"You called me."

"I did no such thing."

"You did. You said come, Chuck, come like some elegantly heavy breather on a porno so I-"

"Stop it."

She is so- _beautiful _is the only word he can think of- in that hugely poofy and utterly stunning wedding dress and the anger looks glorious on her, the eyes flash bitter chestnut and the lips are pouting, moist crimson and her cheeks are flushed petal pink. She is an angel irked and she is carrying a blossoming bouquet of snow white peonies. She looks utterly perfect except had she been _his_ bride he would have wanted her wearing a less conservative neckline, shorter gloves, a skirt outlining her perfect figure rather than hiding it and the peonies would have been as pink as the flaming color on Blair's cheeks that only he could induce.

"Stop what?" he asks curiously.

"Stop torturing me. Stop trying to snatch pieces of something you forfeited. You weren't ready to fight for me. You were scared. Stop subtly trying to scare me out of my wedding."

"_I_ wasn't ready to fight?"

She looks worried even if her eyes flash to meet his evenly when he grabs the slender arms and pushes her back into the railing.

"I would have died fighting. I would have killed him, fighting for you_. It_ _killed me to stop fighting for you. You wait and see, it will."_

She pushes him fiercely. "Someone will see. Louis has guards quicker at sniffing scandal than Gossip Girl and I hadn't thought outdoing our bitch was possible."

He pushed her into the darkest corner of the balcony and she whispered furiously against him. "You'll crumple my dress. Get_ off _me, Chuck. Leave me alone!"

"I left you because I wanted you to be happy."

"Chuck if you don't get off of me this second-"

"But you're not."

"I can't breathe with you holding me like this-"

He holds a thumb and a forefinger to lift her chin and observes her incensed eyes intently.

"You're not happy."

"You moron, no bride would be _happy _being mauled by an ex lover a mere hour before her nuptials-"

"Blair. What's wrong? What is it?"

She squirmed stubbornly against him.

"Get off, get off, get off-"

"What's happened?"

"I will kick you where it hurts the most, I swear it-"

"You'll rip your dress," he says indifferently, analyzing her face deeply. "Something's been different ever since you came here. And when you kept calling me- something was different. You're different. Blair. Is something wrong with the Prince? Is it performance anxiety? I knew it-"

"This isn't funny," she says even as her face twitched trying not to laugh.

"No it's not funny at all," he agrees, tracing the outline of her face. "Something's eating you inside. Won't you tell me?"

She looked at him for a moment and suddenly she had a wild urge to cry her heart in his unbreakable arms but she doesn't. Because she knows what Chuck will do when he'll find out. He'll jump off the balcony because it would be the first escape he'd find.

"I don't want to loose you," she whispers, "when I don't want to loose you."

She knows he has no idea what she just said and she's glad.

And she closes her eyes, and coils her arms snugly around his neck and kisses him softly, just barely on his lips.

"You have to go."

"Tell me to stay and I will."

"I'm telling you to go."

"Tell me to kill him and I will."

"I'm telling you to _go._"

"Tell me," he says, stepping closer to her. "Tell me that you love me. And everything that we've done- all the gossip- and the lies- and the hurt-"

"It was for nothing," Blair whispered. "I'm telling you it was for nothing."

He stared at her, his face white and eyes struggling to read hers.

"Go Chuck. Go and don't come back because I can't do this anymore."

He hands her the ring before he does.

Must you make everything so maudlin?

I don't want it.

You'll find someone else to give it to. Some poor deprived Eva.

Let's not kid ourselves. I'll never give this to anyone but your highness.

I don't want it.

I'll throw it off the balcony.

Hand it over at once.

….

Louis smiles at her warmly in the wedding room and carts away the Champaign.

"Please don't stop on my account."

"Don't be silly, Blair. I wouldn't want to drink if you can't."

She laughs mentally at the image of Chuck ever stowing away his scotch to satiate her and then smacks herself mentally. Must he creep in her every thought?

The room is so lovely. The bed is huge and a silken softness she can drown in. The smell of roses is intoxicating and it's making her sick. She sinks back into the bed and hopes to drown in it.

The gauzy canopy makes her vision a veil and she wonders if you can choose a way to see the world.

R u w him right now?

We're not in high school anymore.

Yet you're still drawn to the shiny tiara.

…..

Blair stands very still as Louis nears her. And quite suddenly she feels like the virginal bride and she's terrified of the feather soft fingers tracing her bared collar bone.

_What a pity. So much wasted potential._

Blair stiffens as Louis gently slides off the slender silk strap of her sapphire blue dress.

_The thing that always fascinated me about you: the cool exterior, the fire below_

"Don't-" she whispers.

"Why?"

_What are you doing? Trying to destroy the old you? Burn every bridge? It won't help. Believe me, I've tried._

His lips are on the petal smooth skin of her shoulder and it would be easy to pretend that this is what she wants, except the kisses aren't nearly as delicate, not nearly as fierce as she wants.

_It_ _killed me to stop fighting for you. You wait and see, it will._

"Stop," she gasps, sliding out of Louis's grasp. "I'm not- I can't-"

"Blair, what's wrong with you?"

_This isn't you._

"Don't- I can't do this."

"It's our wedding night. Blair, stop acting ridiculous."

_How do you know?_

_Because I know you better then I know myself._

She feels bile rising in her throat at Louis's placating touch and dashes to vomit spectacularly into the bathroom bowl. She almost laughed weakly at the inopportune and utterly perfectly timed miracle of it all.

She raised her head to look at Louis, eyes shining brilliantly. "Sorry, darling," she whispered. "Stomach flu."

The look on Louis's face is priceless.

And she places a faint hand on the stomach that is still cramping tightly and thinks a silent _thank you._

Chuck's baby didn't like Louis touching her either.

Louis lies on the further end of the Queen sized bed that night because every time he tries to so much as breathe on her Blair threatens him with disgusting sounding retching.

She texts him that night in between a sea of strange nightmares in which she cried out for help and pretty dreamscapes in which Chuck laughs with her over miniature pink socks.

_You were right._

The reply came back on automatic.

_I usually am but what about this time?_

_Chuck._

_I'm here Blair._

She closes her eyes and feels the tear slip like scattering crystal.

_I'm not happy._


	4. Chapter 4

_**Not the best piece of writing I know but thank you all the same to those who review, alert, favorite this because it means so much.**_

_**Part 4**_

_**I'd die happily if I knew You loved me**_

"I am going to kill you now."

He says it so calmly that she promises in her heart that it doesn't even matter. Surely an Othello infused death by his rugged hands wouldn't hurt quite as much as this slow agony, deprivation of the senses; she is losing who she is and she doesn't like it, she doesn't like that she's weaker rather than stronger, stranger rather than special, there is a poisoned pain within her- losing what was hers all along has made her lose the deepest part of herself.

She's lost the boy that she grew to love because he gave her the softest silk handkerchief to dry her fat, baby tears when clumsy Nate dropped his ice-cream cone on her tiny, new Marc Jacobs.

She's lost her sanity and her laughter- all of it- and she can't remember when she forgot that he was her joy and spirit all along and only remembered him as her desperate, darkest desire.

His eyes are deathly dark as they bear into her.

She wants to tell him that she loves him.

It's a very simple fact. One that he should know but the way he's looking at her right now, she doesn't think he does. He should know that he means profoundly to her and that there never has been, and never will be a loss as dear as him. She wants to tell him to not hate her for changing, for numbing, because she could have fought for them, she should have. But all this battle time has taken its toll on her; she can only carry her shield for so long. Eventually there are fears that subdue even her. She wants to say she's sorry because she was a childish fool running after cheap, theatrical glitter and a cardboard crown.

She had thought she'd learnt after Nate but she hasn't at all. The tiara is really quite uncomfortable on her head. She bizarrely does not relish the pain. And the diamond heels of her slippers are terribly gaudy, she is more understated than all this.

She is Blair. He is Chuck. But he isn't hers anymore.

"If you want to do it, why not go ahead?"

He has never looked so angry at her and she can remember quite a few occasions when he looked mutinous. She can remember him yelling at her, hissing more poisonously than yelling, hurting her, loving her more harshly and furiously than anyone. She remembers everything; she has been cursed with a photographic memory for totally useless information so she can't forget.

There is hatred in his eyes now as he looks at her, such sheer, bitter, cutting hatred. It hurts her, scars her, it does. This is what she expected, of course, so it shouldn't hurt so badly. But it does.

"How could you?"

"I don't know."

Gone are the witty remarks because she doesn't know. She doesn't know how she found it inside of her to tell him. Tell him that she did this, knowingly; she did this and that she doesn't regret it because look at how angry he is, that hatred in his eyes. She married Louis, she made her choice. She doesn't want to be despised by him but Chuck Bass doesn't like childhood or baby monitors or memory lanes or even the sight of a crying infant because he used to cry often and ear splittingly and his nanny would never successfully fill the gapping hole inside of him to shut him up. Blair would always kiss his tear streaked cheek to make him feel better.

"How could you do this to me?"

Of course it's her fault.

And then she's angry because she didn't want this. She didn't want to subject herself to this inquisition or him to this burden, she has never been a burden upon anyone, hasn't she tried her whole life not to be? She wanted to spare him, save him, she did. She bent over backwards to save him. So _Twilight._ Save his soul. She tried.

_So forgive me if now that we're over I'm _exhausted.

She pushes past him and says,

"I don't even know why I called you. Go. Just go."

He doesn't. He grabs her and asks her what the hell she wants from him.

I wanted to tell you. I thought you should know.

How unbelievably generous of you. His tone is a bitter sneer. Now what?

What- What do you mean?

Now what are we going to do?

Lie.

Oh no, you don't.

There isn't any other way Chuck.

Louis is not raising _my child _thinking those inevitable brown tresses are _his. _You will not do this to me.

And if I do?

He wants to tell her the obvious. _I'll bring you down._

Instead he says more gently, you wouldn't have told me and expected me to be polite about it. You knew I'd never let this stay quiet. You knew I'd fight.

She had not known this.

So clearly, Blair you told me so I could fight your fight for you. You want _me _to break it to Louis.

He's crazy, she thinks.

You're crazy, she tells him.

No you are, thinking you can get away with this. Just tell me once _what you want._

She wants to be with Louis because he is kind to her and would never hurt her, she_ knows_ that. She wants Chuck in her heart because he seems to own too large a portion of it so if he leaves she looses her life. She wants the title and the palace and the Cinderella story. She wants this child inside of her to have her eyes but Chuck's smile and Chuck's smirk and Chuck's snark and Chuck's laugh so that she can laugh the way she used to again.

What she wants is very mixed up.

He holds her when she cries and asks him what she should do.

He's actually quietly scared for an instant because Blair Waldorf never breaks down and never asks for help and never like this. She shakes uncontrollably against his form and he holds her tighter. Must be the hormones, he thinks.

He wants her to tell him to take her away, just say the word and he'd do it. But all she does is cry like she did that day in the Park and all he can do is take out soft silk handkerchief and wipe away her tears gently. Only this time more fall, to his dismay.

Don't cry. I'm- I'm here for you. For whatever you need, you have me.

But she's still so unhappy, her eyes are huge and brown and luminous with liquid light.

Let me tell Louis the truth Blair.

I can't.

Why?

Because-

Because?

She just cries harder.

I'm sorry, Chuck.

Why are _you_ sorry?

I wanted to let you go, not force you back in.

Blair. Didn't you ever think that maybe,

Maybe?

He took a deep breath.

That maybe I wanted a way back in?


End file.
